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Ask the PowerPhrase® Expert
Here’s another installment of our
column by Meryl Runion, a communications expert who
wrote the book, PowerPhrases! The Perfect Words
to Say It Right and Get the Results You
Want.
 I am hoping that you can
help with some suggestions on how to deal with a
situation in our office. One of our long-time
employees, Jackie, has never seemed satisfied with
anything the company has done. She complains often
about a lot of things, but she constantly complains
about her salary. She does this openly and in more
covert and subtle ways. Jackie also periodically
exhibits signs of depression.
I have been a co-worker of Jackie’s
for 13 years. I have no direct supervisory
responsibilities over Jackie, but I am a partner in
the business. She laughed at me when I told her I was
buying into the company and told me, “Buying
into this stupid company is the dumbest thing I have
ever heard.”
Occasionally, I have asked Jackie what it
would take to make her happy. The answer I normally
get is something like, “Well, certainly more
than a 3% raise!” She tells me this in spite of
knowing that it’s been a very rough year in our
industry with layoffs and pay cuts being the
norm.
Generally, Jackie does her work well. When
is it appropriate to tell Jackie that she needs help
that she can’t get from complaining? And what
is the best way to do so?
The PowerPhrase Expert: I hear your concern
on many different levels, and you can speak from any
or all of these.
First, as a partner in the business, you have a
responsibility to keep morale high. Jackie’s
words can be damaging. I was impressed with something
a manager once said to a good worker who continued to
complain about salary, “I am paying you as much
as I can for the excellent work you do. I want you to
go home and decide if you can afford to work here
because your complaints are demoralizing to me and to
the entire office. I hope you decide you can keep
working with us.” If this fits your situation,
it may be appropriate to tell her.
Second, as a friend, you have concern for
Jackie’s well-being. I suggest you say,
“Jackie, I am concerned about you. You
don’t seem happy. Is there some way I can
support you?”
Finally, as a human, you seem frustrated with
Jackie’s complaints. I expect that when Jackie
complains, it triggers a desire to help, as well as a
sense of powerlessness because it seems there is
nothing you can do. If I am reading the situation
correctly, express that frustration. You might say,
“Jackie, I care about you, and I’m
uncomfortable when you complain because I want to
cheer you up, and I don’t know how. Before you
complain, can you tell me what you want from me? That
would make it easier for me to
listen.”
Sometimes people complain because there is
something they need to say, and they don’t know
how to say it. The above PowerPhrases should help to
draw out the comments.
When I am working out a problem with a
co-worker at my desk, it seems as if someone else
invariably jumps into my conversation and attempts to
input his/her own ideas—without being asked. Is
there a good phrase to use to set a boundary on this
behavior?
I also have another issue related to people
interrupting conversations into which they have not
been invited. I have no idea how to graciously handle
someone who does this to me. What do you
suggest?
The PowerPhrase Expert: In response to your
first question, I would use one of the
following two PowerPhrases:
- “Thanks for the input! If we do not come
up with a solution between the two of us, we would
love to pay you a visit.”
- “We’re in the middle of some rough
ideas right now. We would be happy to run them by
you when we have something more
concrete.”
If this doesn’t do the trick, I recommend
something a little stronger, such as “I
appreciate your eagerness to help, but right now this
is between the two of us.”
In response to your second question, try saying,
“I need to give Joan my complete attention
right now. We really need to finish our conversation.
I will be happy to give you my full attention once
I’m done talking with Joan” or
“Joan and I are discussing something between
the two of us right now. Can we talk
later?”
 MERYL RUNION began her
career by designing effectiveness measures for use by
police departments all across the country. Runion has
a master’s degree in the science of creative
intelligence and is certified as a stress management
expert. She is known as a speaker and author across
the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and
Australia. You may contact her via e-mail at
ms.meryl@att.net .
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