Consultant
Q&A
Joan Goldsmith Responds:
The continual search for a life
that combines the joys of family, the vitality of career
and the fulfillment of community service is familiar to
most of us. I know it is for me. As a trainer, coach and
consultant for leaders, I have three suggestions to offer
for balancing the demands of a complex life and for
meeting opportunities offered by success.
1. We are born into families with
expectations and attitudes toward work and achievement.
From infancy, family patterns program our expectations
for achievements and expressions of ourselves.
Unfortunately, few of us take the time to peel back the
layers of family history dictating who we should be and
how we should live and work. The first piece of advice I
have is that we make explicit and understand the legacy
we have inherited from our families of origin so we can
choose who we want to be and how we want to live our
lives. Once we feel in control of who we are, where we
are headed and how we are going to get there, we will be
able to start fashioning a balanced life.
2. Balance is not only an end, it is a
means of achieving success. It produces a less anxious,
effective processing of experience and a smoother flow of
experience. Research indicates that successful leaders
balance their needs, energies and ambitions with those of
family members and friends. As they create a balanced
relationship with themselves, they are more successful in
recruiting others to work on their behalf. Thus, the
problems we face become less pressing when others join us
in solving them. Being driven by what we should do or
achieve throws us out of sync with our own natural pace,
the flow of events and the natural rhythms of
relationships. The root cause of stress is our lack of
balance in meeting our own needs. When we find peace from
meditation, moments of quiet thought, and release with
laughter we find balance in ourselves, and can solve
problems with equanimity and accomplishment.
3. There are no models for how to
balance career, family, friends, community service,
exercise, relaxation, spirituality, citizenship, cultural
life, hobbies, travel and more. The danger is thinking we
can resolve these conflicting demands by ourselves. The
struggle to figure it out, create a game plan and achieve
balance requires support. Our families, colleagues,
community members and e-mail buddies are helpmates who
can offer assistance, and are probably searching for
similar balance in their own lives. Those who succeed in
achieving balance do so with the support of significant
others in their lives.
My hope is that each of us recognizes
who we truly are, finds inner peace with support during
times of stress, and creates new ways of operating as a
nurtured member of our family, team and community as we
discover new sources of inner peace and
equilibrium.
JOAN GOLDSMITH has been a management consultant, coach, trainer
and educator for the past 30 years, specializing in
leadership development, organizational change, conflict
resolution and team building. Formerly a member of the
Harvard Graduate School of Education faculty, Goldsmith
is coauthor of "Thank God It's Monday! 14 Values to
Humanize the Way We Work."
H. James Harrington
Responds
Question for the
Consultants
August 2000 NFC
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